Boy Problems
by psychochickie
Summary: Maka is trying to find the perfect boy! What will happen on this adventure. Complete and utter crack and OOCness M to be safe


A/N: This parody is dedicated to another author! You know who you are, anyways I hope this is funny or at least makes you groan in pain at my jokes. Just note, like most of what you see is meant to be that way since you know it's a parody! Enjoy!

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It was a normal day, like all days. The hot Nevada sun was laughing and drooling which was kind of disgusting to some people but to me it looked horrible because the face resembled a male's. Come on god, couldn't you make the sun a female. They obviously the dominate gender. Lord…

Anyways, I was in my normal stance in front of the stove frying a meal for my absolutely sexy male boyfriend, Soul. He is the absolutely nicest, coolest guy in the whole world. He completely deserves the best and does nothing wrong to me. Well unless you count the Tuesday beatings I get, wrong. But most people just don't understand my situation, the caring and laid back guy only punches me in my chest to make it swell and look bigger. Oh that reminds me! Got to pump up the girls.

I looked down at my chest and saw two balloons starting to lose air, stuffed in my bra. I look and spotted my air tank and smiled. Only the best for Soul, right? I took the pump and put it in the balloon holes and started pumping until my boobs put Hannah Minx to shame.

When I finished making breakfast I placed the meal on the table and went to knock on my loving boy toy's door. Before I knocked, I heard a giggle behind the door and thought it was familiar. I heard it again and a familiar moan that belonged to no other than my man. Out of rage I kicked down the door, ready to kick some pussy ass but was surprised when I saw an amazingly beautiful blonde with lovely blue eyes kissing Soul.

When they heard the door being forcefully opened they looked towards me. Their reactions were ones not epected. Soul's was calm and unsurprised while the unfamiliar girl's was sweet.

"Soul!? What the fuck are you doing with this whore!?" I asked rather loudly at the albino. His response was just a shrug.

"Touching something that's not rubber." He said gesturing at my balloon boobs. This made me put my hands over my chest and glare at him. The unknown girl then spoke.

"I am not a whore, I am Susie Marianne. Who is also a death scythe, with a black belt in karate, who also enjoys and excels at playing sports and playing the violin while also taking care of battered animals." Susie said nodding while saying this.

I kept my glare. "How could you do this to me soul!? You're a baka! Not a even a kawaii baka! Just a baka!" I then got out the biggest book ever and smashed it down on Soul's head making him fall to the floor with his head bleeding.

Once he recovered he got up and punched my face, making me fall to the floor. "Now if you excuse me, I can't waste time being with a flat chested non-cool girl like you. Bye, come on Susie, I want to hear your perfect voice sing."

Susie smiled lovingly before nodding and starting to sing in an angelic voice. While going out of the room she accidently stepped on my "boobs" and they popped on my face. Aw, shit I spent all morning on these too!

When I got back my strength and stood up with a popped vein. "I'm going over to Kid's house and losing my virginity to him!" I yelled storming out of the house with my bags magically packed and me bringing them along.

I ended up in front of the huge ass mansion and let myself inside. "Kid! I'm ready to be paired with you, the second guy that I liked to be paired with besides that abusive man."

"Chris Brown!?" A energetic voice that belonged to a blonde asked. This made me smile and go near the voice.

"I wish, I could use that right now." I entered their living room and saw Liz and Patty on the couch, Liz painting her nails and Patty drawing a pig.

"What a black di-" Liz started before I interrupted her. "No! A guy who at least acts like he cares!"

"Speaking of which, where's Kid?" I asked hoping to see that sexy shinigami once more. Liz looked up at me and smirked.

"Getting a map of the estate." She said without further explaination. Wait, why would he need a map of his own house. I admit It was big but still. My thoughts were interrupted as a raven haired boy stepped in the room with the said map before placing it down on a table Patty was drawing on.

Kid smiled at the map and looked at the two girls. "There, now we can have a perfectly symaetrical three way." He said pointing at the bedrooms to do the deed in.

My jaw dropped. That's what is was for!? Why didn't he invite me dammit!? Wait what am I sayin I'm just a flat chested good girl I can't possibly do such a naughty task. I cleared my throat.

"Excuse me?"

Kid aimed his golden eyes at me and smiled. "Oh I'm sorry would you like to join in?" he asked in gentemenly tone. This made me pop a vein before smashing my book on his head.

Just then I heard an annoying howl and glass shattering.

"Yahoo! Maka don't have a three way with them! Have a three way with me and that perveted sex slave I keep in the closet!"

I sweat dropped. What. The. Fuck? "What…?"

"I know you have the hots for me it's obvious!" He bellowed before laughing placing his hands on his hips.

"There has been no proof of that!" I accused. It was true, I am a feminist who gets annoyed at any little thing a guy does but am able to take it like a bitch from a girl. That one night stand I had with Tsubaki proves that point! And Black Star is an annoying prick who talks about his penis when I'm obviously on the lesbian side!

Black Star laughed. "You've been taking notice taking notice of my size lately haven't you." With that I just beat him with a book and left. Wow three guys pissed me off in one day! What a fucking recond!

Oh my gosh! How could I now know!? Crona, the best person to love. After his crazy ass moments and him trying to kill me he had become sexually attractive to me!

I ran over to his place and kicked down him door. "Crona I've always loved you and want to have you babies!"

"M-M-M-M-Me T-T-T-T-T-Tooo!" Crona said jumping up and hugging me. I smiled. This guy was sexier than all of them combined. That's it, this was the guy I'm losing my virginity too.

Later that night…

"YOU HAVE A VAGINA!?"

"I don't know how to handle having a penis!"

THE END

A/N: Yeah, okay! Explaination time! This is basically making fun of some of the stories me and this author see on the site. I love reading some of them, but some are so bad and OOC it makes me laugh. This is purely out of good fun, and I hope you have enjoyed it! Also the grammer is on purpose too!


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